There comes a time when you realize that all of the friends that you chat to here and there… are completely lost to your life. When you no longer had money to chill with them or go out to eat or to the movies; when you finished school so had no reason to be in Roanoke anymore; started dating someone new, and they took up some of your time so they didn’t even bother to ask if you wanted to still hang out. I still wanted to be friends; I still wanted to have friends; Life happened. Now my best friends are a 5 year old, soon to be 3 year old, and a dog -.- I love my kids to death, but there is no talking to them at 2 in the morning about things I would have with my friends. I have become one of those people where the only friends I truly have are online (family does not count as friendship lol just for those who will read this and say hey we chill) Would I give up my life I have for a life with friends? No, but you shouldn’t have given up our friendship when I got a life =/ *end of rant that really wasn’t a rant but more of a life lesson and morality story* *I’m going to stop talking now*
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I couldn’t help but see similarities between your experience and mine…but in reverse. You see, I never had children. And the friends I had that did have children became busy in their world, the world of child care and preschools and carting kids here and there. I didn’t know if they chose to cut me out of their lives, but that was how it felt. Fast forward many years, and their kids are grown. Some friendships never re-blossomed. But in some cases it turned out that they thought – since I didn’t have children – that I had no interest in their lives. Have you tried reaching out to old friends? You might be pleasantly surprised. You might not – but you’ll be no worse off than you feel now. And if that doesn’t work out, what opportunities are out there to create new friendships?
I have reached out to some of them. I am always met with “one day we need to hang out.” That day has yet to come sadly. Some of them who are childless want childless friends now to hang out with. Some have friends with children, but it seems as if the years apart have torn down the bond we share. Mind you, I never cut them out of my life. I ended up not being able to afford a cell phone to text or internet to talk online. Next trickled the actual “meet-ups” to hang out together pre-children (after I got with my now husband). When the children came along, it was as if all conversation completely ended. I run into them in the stores and the casual greetings back and forth are there, but it’s as if they can no longer be a part of my life even as I reach out to them. I live in a rural area where I don’t know people who aren’t my age. There is no socialization in my town. I go to the store a couple times a week, but other than that, I am home bound. I developed writing this past year to help curb my loneliness. I always had a knack at it, so I decided to push forward with it. My pen is my best friend as I write out characters that never leave even after I finish writing the story. That is what everything trickles down to. I do not self-alienate myself by no means being a writer, but there has been no reciprocated outreach to me for friendships.
I am glad you understand, even if it is a flip side of the situation because there are those who push people away when they have kids. I just merely lost contact and re-establishing contact is a battlefield.